3. Stares at you. Unsettling. But cats only make direct eye contact with people they really like.
4. Blinks at you. A long slow blink is a cat equivalent of a kiss. Do it back. But only if no one is watching.
5. Meows. Cats do not meow to other cats, only to humans. This is my best cat fact. Your cat is talking to you. Your cat is telling you it loves you. Also: purring. Loudly.
6. Tolerates affection. My cat lets me kiss her, even though she clearly doesn’t like it. She may duck, but she doesn’t run away, and I consider this a victory.
7. Does not bite you. My cat has bitten all of my boyfriends to date. She has never, ever bitten me.
8. Does bite you. Biting playfully is a sign of affection. My cat doesn’t do this, she never plays. She is a sort of sentient, fluffy cushion, but I love her anyway.
9. Head-butts you. When cats do this they are depositing their pheromones on you, and marking you as “theirs”. They love you, they really love you.
10. Comes to fetch you. When my cat feels I’ve been in bed too long, she comes upstairs and meows until I get up. I now close the bedroom door at night.
“A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.” This aphorism is widely attributed to Philip Stanhope, the Fourth Earl of Chesterfield. Lord Chesterfield lived through the period of English literary history when novels were just becoming popular, and there was already a sense that all forms of media...